Keeping A Man On His Toes

As I sit here and contemplate on how to best keep a man on his toes, I often wonder how different my own answers would be next to my mother’s or grandmother’s. While we would probably agree on some of them, I would have to say that there would be generational differences in our answers.

While I admire the women that both my mother and grandmother are, I love that I come from a time where women hold more power than they once did. Looking back, I will say that women were the ones that held the house together and were dominant in the child rearing of course. However, they didn’t have much of a say in their futures or course of life. Men did one thing and women did another. It was what was expected and no one really bucked the system.

Decades ago marriage, while in most cases was performed out of love, was a pact that binds two people to their set roles and it worked…. for the time. In this current century, marriage is now built on partnerships and mutual respect (one hopes) for one another, both in our professional and personal decisions.

As a 21st century woman, I am going to share my own insight on how to best keep a man on his toes – a saying my grandma always reiterated to me. While I don’t consider myself a novice in this arena, I just know what has worked for my partner and I that has helped make us both happier in our life together. My answers will be modernized and more contemporary, however, I will always have an appreciation for the women my mother and grandmother are, even if we differ on this topic.


  • Have your own life and interests


I am firm believer in having a life of our own, especially outside the interests of your partner’s. Like having children, you can’t sacrifice your own identity for the sake of someone else’s happiness. Life changes in all different ways but forgetting who you are or forgoing having a hobby is not something you should do to yourself.


Take interest in something that separates you from your other half. Having independence in this way is not only good mentally, but also shows that you can do things on your own. Don’t find yourself sitting around waiting to be entertained by someone. Find your own passions in life, and in return, your partner will love you all the more for doing something YOU enjoy.


  • Be yourself / don’t apologize


I had often found myself embarrassed or apologizing for simply being myself in certain situations. Over time, and after growing up, I realized that I shouldn’t feel bad for the quirks that make me the only ‘me’ in this world.


I tried conforming to what a guy wanted me to be, instead of just letting them see me. I didn’t feel confident enough to be myself and let people love my truest self. If these quirks did come through, I tried to play it off or didn’t own my qualities like I should have. In the end, I only hurt my self-respect more than anyone else by hiding behind a falsity.


Why was I apologizing for who I was when I was happy with myself? Being confident and not conforming to the ideas of others is one of the most beautiful qualities a person can have. Marilyn Monroe, a sex icon still to this day said it best, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.”


  • Take care of your health


Exercising isn’t just about looking good; it’s about being healthy in more than just physical ways. It’s about taking pride in yourself and well-being. After all, if you don’t pride in yourself, who will?


Being active is also about you. The better you feel, the more likely your partner will see it radiate from you as well. While exercising helps get you look better, it also helps you mentally and emotionally too. Working out clears your head and boosts energy in the most natural ways – sorry coffee. This way, you can be the best partner, parent, friend, etc. when needed.


When you invest in your well-being it shows more than you realize. Your life is impacted in ways just beyond looking good, and your partner will appreciate the effort you put into your health and overall self.


  • Don’t be afraid to get outside your sexual comfort zone


I get that some of us like vanilla ways in the bedroom – no shame in that. However, you can always throw some sprinkles on your vanilla, right? Jokes aside, taking the initiative, buying new and sexy lingerie, trying new positions or adding new toys in the bedroom can add some fun without getting too crazy.


It can also be fun to try on sexy outfits or role-play if your partner is up for it. These unique and explorative sexual acts can liven up the bedroom and your relationship. This will also keep your partner on their toes thinking of the next exciting thing you want to do behind closed doors.


5.) Do things together, even if they are simple or different         


While it’s important to be yourself, have independence and keep the bedroom alive, it’s always imperative to do things together, no matter how simple they are. This can include going on a simple date night or taking a walk together. Making time for one another is extremely important to any relationship.


You want to remember the person you fell in love with in the first place. You don’t want to look across from the table and not remember them and think that it’s too late to make up for lost time. When your partner says, ‘hey, let’s go here,’ or “let’s go for a ride somewhere,’ don’t make up a reason why you can’t or don’t want to – just do it.


You chose to share a life with someone, don’t let it go by completely alone, especially when you have someone standing right beside you.

I hope this shed some light on the modern-day woman’s way of keeping a man on his toes. While I do believe my mom and grandma would appreciate these suggestions, I am not sure they would be as open to admitting them.

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